For Samantha

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This
page
is
for
Samantha

The
Daughter
I never
thought I'd
be blest with

"Would you mind being my Dad?"

" Is there anything you would like to ask me, Sam?"
A harmless enough statement... I thought
"Yes.... would you mind being my Dad?"
I gulped, I swallowed, wiped away a tear
I thought...
Not of her question, but what had I missed until now
"I would be honoured" I replied
Eventually
Did Helen see how long it took for me to reply?
I had to wonder, what did she think?
Was she as stunned as myself?
What was Helen thinking that day?
Answer her, you dork.. is that what helen thought?
No... she had to be expecting it...
Or was she?
I gathered my emotions, my senses, my pride
Hoping the delay in my reply did not offend
Swallowed again, wiped my eyes
Sam wants me to be the Dad she has not had
Am I good enough?
I had to ask myself this, and more
Yes I am, I decided, when another request came through
"Will you like me? Mum says I'll like you."
"I love your Mum, so I already love you, Sam"
All we need now is to meet,
Close this vast distance
Be the family we all want..
Yes, Sam, I love you too.
Can I be your dad?

It was about the first or second time I spoke to Samantha ( aged just 10 ) via the internet long before her mother and I ever met, in person, when that question was put to me. Well, myself being the phlegmatic by nature, I was sure found to be unprepared for such a question. The thought had quite simply not entered my head. And I don't know why I hadn't given it much thought until that day.
But I soon found some emotions I'd thought were long ago lost. It was a day in my life that shall remain with me forever, because when Samantha asked me that question " would you mind being my Dad?" many thoughts flooded my mind.
"Why did she ask me that?" I thought, at first somewhat bewildered, or more like lost for thought at all... I had always wanted a daughter, then suddenly Sam's question had made me realise a few things.. For one, I now had a daughter, like the idea or not, Sam had staked her claim on who was to be her Dad. And I didn't mind the idea at all; I just wasn't prepared for it. I had spent so much time chatting to her mother via the net and phone that I had not given Samantha a great deal of thought in the equation of myself and Helen, Sam's mother. But Sam fixed that...
I suddenly realised that I was now an important factor in Sam's young life; she had missed a Father as much or more so than I had missed ever having a daughter. Sadly, for Sam, there had been no Father figure since the death of her natural Father when she was but a few months old, so i then realised what my relationship to her mother really meant. I was humbled.. slapped in the chops by a 10 year old I'd not yet met in person. But it was a slap I welcome with open eyes and heart.
And we have still to meet in person. I look forward to that day, more than Sam shall ever realise.
This is writen on October 4 2000, and we don't expect Sam and her Mother to be back in Australia for a few months yet.

I hope this insight into our lives helps the above words make more sense

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